Despite last weeks Autumn reprieve, I had a little relapse in sadness the past couple of days.  The week after Fable went to sleep I felt great sadness coupled with relief.  I found comfort in the fact that the poor baby wasn’t struggling any more, but now that I am pulling myself together, I finally have the opportunity to miss him.  And I do.  So freaking much.  While we’re not quite ready yet, John and I have been researching breeders for a new puppy, probably to add to our family early in the New Year.  I don’t think I could bear to look at another Vizsla pup, smooth or wirehaired, so we are thinking of a German Shorthaired Pointer (remember we need a gundog).  However whenever I sit and think of what I want in a new puppy, my answer is always my old puppy.  I want my Fable back.  I want to trip over him scrounging for scraps while I cook dinner.  I want to fall asleep on the couch with his velvet soft head crushed against my chest and feel the twitch of his little puppy dreams.  I want to smell him again.

When I grasp the fact that I will never see him grown, I feel the anguish down to my bones.  I know that many of you have suffered through similar agony and I’m wondering if anyone can tell me how you accepted a new puppy into your heart with the ghost of an old dog still there?  How did you battle the bitterness of loss?  I could really use some tips…

Happier times.

Advertisements