Listening to the radio this morning they were talking about how people allow their cats and dogs to lick their faces,  knowing full well that those animals lick their own nether regions, eat poop, drink toilet water, etc.   While I keep a very clean house, having grown up with dogs I never was a germaphobe.   I share my bed with my dogs, kiss them as much as they kiss me, and I’ve been caught giving them food off my fork.  But a recent experience made me wonder if maybe I’m a little too comfortable with my dogs.  You see, I’ve been really tired lately.  I hate complaining about it because literally every single person in the world is tired (it’s just the modern age)  but this past month has really whooped my ass.  So a few nights back I woke up in the wee hours of the morning, rolled over and saw the stuffed squirrel from one of those ‘hide-a-squrrel’ toys on the floor.

It should be said that it was very dark and I have very bad eyes and did I mention that I’ve been really effing tired.  My first thought was OMG A MOUSE.   I froze of course and tried to think of what was in my reach that I could smash it with while I waited for it to run off.   When it never did, I relaxed and thought, Oh it’s probably just poop,  AND THEN I WENT BACK TO BED.   About 4 minutes later I woke up, realized what I had done and leaped out of bed with hot shame and disgust to clean it up.  You can imagine my relief when I realized I haven’t quite reached that level of crazy/gross yet.  Luckily, in the real world, if either dog had to go in the middle of the night, they would not allow me to sleep.  In a better rested state I would have remembered that fact or,  you know, just gotten up to check like a normal person.  And now that I’ve shared this traumatic experience with you all I hope you can ease my conscience and share an embarrassing experience of your own!