Dear BarkBox,

Thank you so much for the R2P you included in this month’s BarkBox.  You know, the big red toy that looks like a cross between a fire hydrant and a football?  Bardia just loved it! Man, you guys must really know dogs over there.  I’m not so sure you’ve ever met a human though.  In fact, I’m not convinced you are humans yourselves, because surely no human, having heard the noise this toy makes, would inflict it upon another human.  You see, the R2P hasn’t even been in our house for 24 hours and it’s already driving me quite batty.  Please, allow me to elaborate.  I arrived home around 8pm last night to our BarkBox sitting at the front door.  I promptly gave Bardia his new toy which he played with ferociously for a whole 5 minutes before I had to take it away, not being able to withstand the caterwauling it produced after a long hard day at work.  I put it on top of the refrigerator where the dog couldn’t reach it.  That sure as hell doesn’t mean he didn’t try though, reaching upward, knocking down all of the pictures and magnets.  Now, normally that would have been enough for him.  He would have sneaked off stealthily with a magnet in his mouth or shred up a beloved family photo on the spot.  Not this time though. Not with the magic red toy just a little higher up.

Of course this tugged at my weak human heartstrings so I offered him another five minutes with it before I would put it away for good.  Luckily he can’t read a clock because 5 minutes was probably more along the lines of 97 seconds.  I moved it to the laundry basket behind the closed door of the linen closet.  Sure he cried and scratched at the door for a minute or two but quickly forgot about it.  I was not so lucky.  Just the knowledge that the toy was still in the house was enough to reproduce the noise in my mind all throughout the night.  Of course, it didn’t take long the next morning before one of us made the dire mistake of throwing new clothes into the hamper.  Bardia must have remembered where we put it (or perhaps he too heard the tell tale football) because  like a bat out of hell he was racing through the house with the toy in his mouth.  We heard the squawking before we even knew what happened.

You know something though, BarkBox, I think my dog may be even more human than you, because before I accidentally smothered myself by piling one too many pillows over my head to shield my senses, he destroyed the R2P himself.  That’s right, tore it to shreds.  Thanks anyway, it was a valiant effort on your behalf…or a diabolical plan, in which case I salute you, evil genius Overlords, and I’ll obey you ’til the end 😉  Can’t wait for next month’s box.



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